7 TIPS FOR A “HEALTHY” MARRIED LIFE

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Are you considering getting married soon and wondering how life appears to be after that? Do you have concerns beforehand as you’re getting closer to your wedding day?

We can quite understand the anxiety you’re dealing with right now. If you read our story of How we met, you’ll better understand our thoughts when we tied knots nine years back. We were both thrilled and eager after our engagement, and we enjoyed every bit as a newlywed later. However, as the wedding day got closer, a flood of worrisome thoughts popped in mind: ‘Are we doing the right thing? Are we going to uphold each other’s habits and accept the change happily? Will our marriage last forever? And the list goes on!

Ever since we began watching Married at First Sight on channel 9now three years ago, we learned that along with the physical attraction, being compatible with each other is essential. Getting accustomed to each other’s habits and recognizing the real taste of marriage is challenging for most couples. In case you’re unaware of the show, it’s a social experiment where the relationship experts match the individuals to a stranger for matrimony. And the fun part is that the couples are matched based on their psychological study.

Couples often face confrontations and disputes, though the more frequent and intense they are, the less charming their marriage gets. It isn’t rocket science to overcome these issues through slight efforts. We’ve learned some tactics of a happy married life with our nine years of marriage, which we’re sharing with you in this post.

1. Be ready for the change

The foremost reason couples rarely get along is because they’re not ready for the shift that they’ll face after marriage. Marriage is a delightful experience when two people commit to each other. But that doesn’t mean that every other day might be a fairytale.

The most challenging time for both of us was the first year of our marriage, since we knew each other for long enough (about one year), but we were opposite personalities. We had arguments, fights, and disagreements quite often than in the later years. However, we expected these challenges and had confidence that we’ll ultimately get along to each other once we get accustomed to one another’s perspectives.

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2. Create transparent communication

Do you sometimes avoid telling your partner about something you should ideally communicate? Often it happens when you’ve done something your partner doesn’t feel comfortable doing. Understand the fact that marriage has zero space for secrecy. The more transparent you’ll be in your communication, the better you’ll get along.

We’ve been practicing transparency by :

  • Developing mutual understanding. The first step is to communicate our plans to each other. There’s absolutely nothing to hide between us.
  • We both have full access to one another’s phone accounts and passwords. It develops trust in each other.
  • We prioritize each other, our marriage and family before career, money, and friends.
  • We talk about our issues to one another before anyone else, not even the parents.

3. Trust the other partner

Trust is the critical element of your married life. Ideally, you shouldn’t have any doubts about your partner, though you may find it hard to develop instant confidence in your matrimony if you’ve faced betrayal before. Trust is earned by the time, and it doesn’t happen by itself.

A few ways we’ve been able to develop trust for each other by:

  • accepting that it’s a lifelong relationship, and without faith, it won’t last forever (which is not an ideal situation for anyone).
  • Sharing our passwords.
  • Be open about our social gatherings, friends, and family.
  • Socializing together often, keeping phrases like ‘my life,’ ‘my money,’ or ‘my friends’ at the side.

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4. Avoid fighting over money

Our arguments go beyond the limits when we drag finances between our fight. Talking about budgeting is healthy, but when you compare each other’s monthly income, and conveys a bitter side of wealth, your partner will surely go crazy.

Believe us or not, we’ve fought over money several times since we faced financial problems after a few years of getting married. Though we learned to keep those problems by:

  • Keeping the phrases like ‘My money,’ ‘I earn,’ ‘I have hold of money,’ or ‘I’m the one who owns property’ away between our arguments.
  • Developing similar financial expectations-it happens by open and honest communication.
  • Prioritizing our family life over money.

5. Keep technology aside

As mentioned earlier in this post, honest and transparent communication creates a strong wedlock. Though with the rapid growth of technology in the past ten years, the conversation couples often made previously has declined, especially when they’re together.

In these times of advancing, it’s a struggle to keep us away from the charm of devices when we’re sitting together and talking. Often, the mobile phone acts as a supportive bridge to hang out after an explosive argument. Though we learned that it makes situations even worse, and now we’ve been communicating better by:

  • Allotting a time when to use our mobile phone for messaging and social media.
  • Disabling the notifications popping on the display screen, especially for Facebook.
  • Keeping us busy in some constructive activity such as cooking together, house chores or gardening together, rather than just lying down on the couch.

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6. Develop anger management skills

Screaming matches and slamming doors are always the worst approaches one can take to settle an argument. Anger is a natural emotion in humans but often interrupts the communication, transparency, trust and respect in a relationship. Managing your anger and an angry partner is a rear but incredibly helpful skill for the development of passion.

When we get involved in a heated argument, anger management is hard, but this helps:

  • Give yourself calming time, by telling the other person that you want some time apart and silent to cool down the situation a bit.
  • Avoid topics that ignite a fierce debate, anger, and complications.
  • Rule out the cause of anger and attempt to solve the underlying cause rather than fighting over words and blaming each other.

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7. Make a habit to appreciate

Often couples, such as us, focus on appreciating each other’s contributions more often in the early days, to foster a healthy relationship. Sadly, we take the other person for granted after being together for a while. The feeling of underappreciated and repeatedly getting criticized creates a lack of love, passion, motivation, trust, and confidence among couples.

Marriage is a highly sensitive and gentle relationship. Just as young children oblige an appreciation after behaving well, the adults also call for encouragement to foster romance. Recognition doesn’t have to be through exchanging gifts, as you can acknowledge just by practicing gentle phrases such as ‘Thank you,’ ‘I appreciate,’ and ‘I love you for doing that.’

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Final thoughts

The relationship of marriage is like a newborn baby, gentle and sensitive. It’s a thought process and takes considerable time to develop. Though with minor efforts, you can create an involvement and engagement for one another to carry out a long-term happy married life. Comparing your bachelorhood with the post-marital experience is a senseless approach as you move towards sharing your life with the one you love. Having trust, respect, and appreciation within usually dissolves most troubles in a wedlock.

Do you think any of that advice was helpful to you? Share in the comments below.

We hope you enjoyed reading this blog post. Share as much as you can.

WALK OF LIFE # 3: HOW WE MET

Last Sunday, just after we ate our evening snacks, we comfortably lied on the couch and watching an entertaining Pakistani TV show. At the same time, the song ‘Hona Tha Pyar’ (‘There had to be love’ in English), from the movie ‘Bol’ (meaning ‘Speak up’) came across that delighted us!

We met 9 years ago, now happily married with 2 adorable kids. In today’s Walk of Life, we’re sharing our story to you, of how we first met each other. Want to know more of our journey? We’ll share our tips for a healthy relationship in the upcoming blog on Wednesday.

Bringing back memories

We imagine you’re trying to figure out “Why are we telling you about the song in the beginning of this post?” We’ll answer that shortly, but first answer this: Have you ever listened to a song or watched a film, even an old TV show that took you back in the good old days?

This song did precisely the same thing to us.

We later watched our wedding video once again. It’s enchanting and beautiful. It brought back tons of memories when back in the days we used to be younger, vibrant and carefree (though we still are!).

Looking different? Yes, we lost 55 kgs recently. Coming up in detail soon 🙂

Yes! The couple posing in that picture is us on the day of engagement ceremony! Do we look different back then? The truth is that since the past couple of years, we worked days and nights to make the ends meet but at the same time, made immense effort to groom ourselves, personal growth and development.

Love at first sight

Do you believe in love at first sight? When you meet someone at first, you could get attracted instantly, and you probably see a potential to fall for that soul. Your heart and mind speak your feelings. But hold on! That didn’t happen to us straightaway. In fact, our feelings grew by time, as we were getting to know one another.

We met through parents

Our story was pretty straight. Our marriage was arranged by our parents. If we don’t have someone else already in mind, part of our convention is that the parents jump in and choose the prospective spouse for us. It’s even favorable for them.

Meeting one another for the first time at our parents’ home was an entirely unique experience for us. Our parents were distant relatives to each other. Both families accepted each other, but now it was our time for further communication to understand each other.

‘YES!’ We said to each other, and we got engaged just after one week, in October 2010. Our engagement lasted about a year, which was enough time for both of us to get along, especially as we first met only a week ago. We later got married in November 2011.

Best part

We met over 9 years ago and together since then, we’re still learning about each other. And the more we discover, the better we communicate. To be honest, exploring each other’s passions, dreams, and personality is the most exciting part of a marriage.

We hope you enjoyed reading our “Walk of Life” post today.

Don’t forget to learn keys for a joyful marriage in our blog on Wednesday.

Leave a comment if you can relate our story to yourself 🙂